Talk about Geek Culture

I hear a lot about Geek Culture, and I know a lot of Geeks and a lot of geeks. I wanted to kind of ruminate (really navel-gaze) about what Geek is and what geek is and who takes on that label. This is all just my stuff so I don't really care too much if people agree, I just felt like writing it.

First, I don't think anyone has to be a geek or that they should be labeled one without wanting to be one. I do think that people can participate in Geek culture without being a geek or a Geek.

Let's clarify some stuff (these are my descriptions and definitions only):

Geek Culture = the overarching media and social constructs surrounding enthusiasts and Geeks/geeks.

Geek = someone who is a geek and active participant in Geek Culture. When used as "a Geek (thing)" or "Geeky", something that is mainstream geek, common to a larger majority of the community, or something that is geeky.

geek/enthusiast = a person who enjoys media or activities and participates actively in enjoyment, whether it is sharing experiences with others or simply investing time and/or money in their hobby or interest. A person can be an enthusiast without being a geek, but rarely a geek without being an enthusiast, and geek is a self-identified label. When used as "a geek (thing)" or "geeky", something that is any type of hobby or preoccupation, any level of commonality in the community, but not necessarily part of the larger Geek community.

fan = a person who enjoys a thing or activity, with varying levels of interest.

Not all geeks are Geeks but all Geeks are geeks, geeks can be fans but not all fans are geeks, all geeks are enthusiasts but not all enthusiasts are geeks, and so on.

As an example, I'm a Geek and a geek and a fan. I consume mainstream geek media like Star Trek and Star Wars and Harry Potter, and actively participate in the enjoyment - I share it with friends, I talk about the meaning and theories addressed in the media, and I invest money in clothing, jewelry, posters, etc. about these things. I'm an RPG geek, not just playing but also discussing theory and investing money into the products, and a participant in the overall gaming community. Someone just the same as me might say that they're just a geek, or just an enthusiast, or just a fan, but they have the option of a narrower label.

I think one of the big problems right now is that one, we're applying the geek or Geek label to people or things without it necessarily fitting. See, someone can be a geek about football but not consider themselves a geek, instead using the label of fan. However, someone who is a fan of football might consider themselves a sports geek, because they know the gritty details of the statistics, details about the players, and other things that indicate a deeper level of involvement.

Sometimes people are geeks or enthusiasts because of their profession - academics, experts - but don't use the geek moniker because it has a negative component for a lot of people. Geek was used as an insult and has a kind of yucky history, and some people don't want the label because of that. That's totally okay! They don't have to be geeks! We can think of them in that context to understand them, but that doesn't make them geeks - you can't be a geek without consent. This is part of why the Fake Geek meme is so outrageous. Geek is a self-applied label, so telling someone they aren't a geek or that they don't do enough of whatever you think they should do to be a geek is utter nonsense. Just as someone can behave in a manner of a geek and not call themselves a geek, someone can behave in a manner not like a geek and still call themselves a geek. 

Another problem is that geek has become Geek - mainstream - in many arenas. Geekiness carries so much baggage that being a part of the mainstream or there even being mainstream geeks or Geeks is just weird, man. Geeks are used to being separate from the norm, a niche market, outcasts. Now we have TV shows that feature geeks prominently and often not flatteringly. Non-geeks adopt our image - geeky references on t-shirts, black rimmed glasses, even attaching themselves to our media and our gadgets. 

We feel defensive. I feel it, too, even though some might consider me a Fake Geek, when people on the periphery claim, "I'm such a geek!" when in my mind, they're really a "Geek". They're enthusiasts and consumers but they are more than that a part of the larger Geek Culture. They might like Avengers (the film) and have never picked up a comic in their life, and that's cool! They can be a part of Geek Culture. They can consider themselves geeks, big or little G, because it's perception that matters. How you perceive yourself - a geek, an enthusiast, a fan, or a Geek - is what matters, not how I look at you, or some stranger looks at you. You judge if your amount of investment into something counts enough to make you a geek. 

Geek Culture has some biiiig problems, though. One, the Fake Geek thing, which I've addressed above, is total bullshit and needs to die die die. Two, there's still so much rampant sexism and racism and classism. 

Classism? Yeah, I said it. Being a Geek costs money a lot of the time, and because collector items often require a lot of investment (and sometimes geeky endeavors in general take a lot of time and money), it can give people the impression that if you don't have the funds to participate in all of geek/Geek, you aren't allowed to be a Geek. Maybe someone only saw Avengers and doesn't buy the comics because they only have a small allowance and $4 comic books multiple times a month really add up, but seeing one movie this summer at the shitty local theater was just affordable. They can still be a geek if they want to, because we shouldn't have a buy in to be a geek. Geek isn't a country club!

Racism and sexism? You can't throw an Xbox without hitting an article about the sexism and racism in Geek Culture. From video games to movies to comics to historical reenactments - these things are pervasive in normal society, and geek communities have no special exception. The thing is, we all should care enough about this community and about the media we consume to actually give a fuck about changing it. 

What we consume as Geeks or geeks or fans or enthusiasts, whatever label you want to put on it, contributes to the image we present as people or as members of Geek Culture. And we need to change it. If people look at us and see these negative aspects first and foremost, it gives all of us a bad name, and that's part of why people deny identification. Geeks shouldn't be known for being assholes or ignorant. We should strive to make our fandoms and our interests look better, not be negligent or dismissive and make them look worse. 

But, so many of us don't. After all, it's just a game! It's just a movie! It's just a comic! 

It's just a huge part of our lives. 

Just some stuff to think on.

<3,

BCS

THOUGHTY LOGO © JOHN W. SHELDON 2010. USED WITH PERMISSION. UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION STRICTLY PROHIBITED.
ALL CONTENT WITHIN THIS BLOG AND ANY OF THE ALTERNATE SITES LINKED ARE SUBJECT TO FAIR USE UNDER U.S. COPYRIGHT LAWS. THE OPINIONS AND CONCLUSIONS WITHIN THIS BLOG ARE THOSE OF THE AUTHOR ONLY, UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED, AND ARE NOT INTENDED TO REPRESENT ANY CORPORATION OR OTHER ENTITY.

My disappointment with Remember Me

So, I haven't finished Remember Me. It came out like two months ago, I know, what the hell am I doing?

Here's what.

I'm still interested in the story. I think it sounds fascinating. I still was interested in the art and the visual parts of the game. 

I fuckin' hate the combat. Like, if I did all other parts of the game, I'd be fine, but the combat is clunky and I failed so many times it took me four times as long to get through simple combat. I am slow on combat in general, and have trouble following combos (and the combos are so unclear in this game!).

It's bad enough that I'm considering asking +John Sheldon to play through it for me while I watch, since it's not an incredibly long game and I want to see the rest of the story. 

I'm just so disappointed. I wanted this game to succeed. The marketing was too little and the execution isn't good enough. It makes me angry because this game had a lot of good going for it in the beginning and because they could have made a big impact if the game had just been better and if they'd marketed more effectively. 

Sigh. 

Feel free to comment below with your own stories of disappointing games (or comments about Remember Me specifically). 


THOUGHTY LOGO © JOHN W. SHELDON 2010. USED WITH PERMISSION. UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION STRICTLY PROHIBITED.
ALL CONTENT WITHIN THIS BLOG AND ANY OF THE ALTERNATE SITES LINKED ARE SUBJECT TO FAIR USE UNDER U.S. COPYRIGHT LAWS. THE OPINIONS AND CONCLUSIONS WITHIN THIS BLOG ARE THOSE OF THE AUTHOR ONLY, UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED, AND ARE NOT INTENDED TO REPRESENT ANY CORPORATION OR OTHER ENTITY.

Blue, Burgatory, and Sucker Punch

This weekend I went to two restaurants and saw a movie, so here's my feedback on those. Warning: SPOILER HEAVY, both for the restaurants AND the movie. ;)

I've got the need...and work validation

I just want to write so much right now.

I think it's because I want to escape.

I'm reading Madeline L'Engle's A House Like a Lotus and thus far, it is her ONLY work that I'm having trouble with it. I'm having difficulty really getting through it because it's got a few things that I don't like dealing with in fiction OR in non-fiction, and it's stressing me. I want to finish it, but it's taking forever. I think I'm going to pick up some other books to read between so maybe I can pace it out more, but still read actively. I feel like I'm behind.

School drags me down so much. I used to love school and love learning when I was a kid, but now, it feels like an obligation and I'm soon to be studying business stuff that I could not care less for, and it's such a struggle. I hate feeling like I must learn this, I must demonstrate understanding. It makes me hate my teachers, it makes me hate my school and the fact that I have to have a degree to survive in today's society - knowing how to do my job isn't enough, I have to spend years of my time doing classes that may barely impact my ability to do my job.

I know like, no one really reads this, but I figure I'll pose the question anyway:

When you start having to study things in order to do work you already do, or validate your work, do you start to get frustrated with your job? Do you feel as though the need to validate your job or tell people that you are doing a good job, it means that you must not really be doing a good job?

Do you go through periods where you feel like you're just pushing yourself to go to work?
I know that I have the negative of not really having a career path, of having to do a job to pay bills and not really be enjoying my work (I like some of the people, and I like accomplishing things, so I do try to be dedicated to it), and so do plenty of other people, but I wonder if people who love their work and wanted to do their work feel the same.

Don't Promise Yourself a Future

I am not an optimistic person. This, obviously, is not much of a surprise.

I do, however, have hope. Little inklings. Dewdrops on leaves. Nothing even so large as a trickle. But, it's most certainly there.

So, when I talk about the future - not now, not even five years, but ten or fifteen, I think of hopeful things. Maybe I'll move to Texas and have an awesome modern house with an open floor plan (I love my house now, but there are things I want that it doesn't have). Maybe TGW will get a great job and I will be able to stop working for a while, maybe I can get a part time job or do volunteer work or go to school, or maybe I'll just sit at home and write and read and sculpt and maybe paint. These are maybes. These are things I want to do.
Maybe I'll travel.
Maybe I won't.
I want to do both.
I want to work at a job that I enjoy - ENJOY - you know, something I love and want to do each day.

Sometimes I talk about this stuff to people - at work, at home, at my parents', with people I know.

The last one there, enjoying my future job, people at work get fussy about.

Living in Fear of the Future

I think about the future every day.

Near future, far future, future with teleportation and flying cars and space travel, future with waking up in the morning and driving the same route to work. I think about the possibilities - maybe going on vacation to Florida, someday going to Rome again, seeing Greece, wondering if I'll ever be daring enough to dive again.

Will I graduate college, and proceed to a Bachelors? Will I continue improving at my current job, or burn out? Is it possible to do something I really want to do?
Is there anything I'll ever really want to do?

I don't know.

How can I tell you how awesome I am when I don't think I'm awesome?

It is end of fiscal year time at my job, and with that comes end of performance period reviews. Yikes.

I am, to be frank, really bad at performance reviews. The meetings make me ill - seriously, I get sick every time - I panic when they close the door, and I've cried a time or two. I also really have a tough time at the start. Setting objectives for a job without many metrics is difficult, it really is. How can you say that you did a good job at ordering office supplies and helping engineers with tech issues? Seriously. How can I measure that?

Every time I have a performance review - mid year, end of year, whatever, I know I have to prepare this long explanation of how I did my job well. Better than well! And I have no idea how to do so.

How do you tell someone you're awesome when even though you know you met or exceeded expectations, you feel guilty for feeling like you did a good job?

Damn. Star Trek'd again.

A couple weeks (like a month or something, I don't know, I lost my calendar and don't click into my google one unless it yells at me) ago, my husband had the brilliant idea to foist Star Trek: Deep Space 9 on me. He puts it on the TV. No warning. No "Hey do you want to watch?" Nope. It's just there.

That's just fine for HIM. He was PREPARED.

I, obvs., was not.

Followup with TGW on MMOs

TGW: I think that the people most likely to get trapped into an MMO to the degree that it takes over their life are the sort of people that are unlikely to be at the forefront of the new anyway - I think those people tend to be more self-driven and demanding than the sort of person that can be satisfied with virtual acheivements to virtual accolades in a virtual world. Still, I do think that plenty of otherwise smart and productive people who would have been firmly in the middle or upper-middle of their career fields have wasted their time, energy, and talents in MMOs.

BCS: I think that all people have equal potential to be great and to become the leaders of a new future - they just have to work hard for it, and the desire to work hard to feel successful and good and as though you've accomplished things becomes lesser when you can just win at the Internets (I've even been guilty of this). MMOs make it easier to be satisfied with the successes because they never end - games like Dragon Age and Portal and Halo all have an ending - and that's what I think makes the difference.

Why I Think MMOs Could Kill the Geek Empire

How many people do you know who play MMOs?
One?
Two?
Six?

I know quite a few. Some people play it casually, which is cool. Havin' fun is never bad. Some people play it for what I would consider a reasonable amount of time, but they have all the special gear and are the kind of people who know the terms and the places. And then, there are the hardcore MMO players.
These are the people who are so damn involved they can't break apart. If they go without it for a few days, they struggle. They want to play all the time - and some of them do. They let their game run for most of the day, and will interrupt anything to play or check on it. They have multiple characters at high levels with ridiculous gear, or have all of the achievements for a game and continue playing every time new content is released until they have everything, and spend so much time on the game they start falling away from real life responsibilities and activities, and some people start talking about nothing but the games.
Game addiction is real, and WoW is one of the most prevalent, but it's visible with nearly all MMOs to a degree.

Why is this such a bad thing?

Excuses, Excuses

Someone told me yesterday that I am the kind of person who, instead of solving problems, just makes excuses.

I heartily disagree.

I am the type of person who makes excuses to cope with difficult problems, and then solves the problem. I discuss things at length. I explain why I think I can't do something or why I absolutely cannot do something. But more often than not, I solve the problem.

It's one thing for someone to just force a fix. When someone says to me "I like to fix problems, not make excuses" it irritates the hell out of me. Why? Because sometimes, you can't just hammer away a problem. Sometimes, you have to work through different scenarios. Maybe these people do this in their heads. I don't.

I butt heads with myself. I fight between the part of me that wants to fix things and the part of me that thinks I can't. I offer scenarios and shoot them down, then reevaluate. It's a way of checking to make sure what I've already resolved to do is correct. When I am making excuses, it's incredibly likely that I've already made a decision - I just don't want to share it with you.

There is value in excuses. If you make excuses, people expect less of you. This gives you time. Other people run through and say yes, I can definitely solve this, aloud, and sometimes they don't solve it. I say, I might be able to, but maybe I can't. And sometimes I do. I prefer this method. It keeps me safer from failure. Yes, it's a coping mechanism - but it works.

Don't tell me I just make excuses.
I solve problems. I just work them out first.

Dress for the Job You Want

In the corporate world, and most other jobs that are not super casual, people often say "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." I have a huge problem with this.

First, there is the assumption that someone can afford to dress for the job they want on the salary for the job they have - an incorrect assumption. Dressing like an executive when you're mid-level, or mid-level when you're entry level, is incredibly hard on a wallet. You may be able to thrift, make some wise choices with basics, but it will never quite be enough. Everyone who tries this always looks one step behind (particularly if you have a body type outside of the fashion norms - read: you're not skinny, in uniform sizing, with good skin and magic hair). Going to a stylist for haircuts is expensive, and a hairstyle is a vital part of an outfit. Good shoes - hard to find if you have any orthopedic issues without going to a higher price range - are also important. It's a little rough for those of us on the low levels to try to achieve style nirvana that will help us make it to the top.

Star Trek: How Q Makes Me Hate You

As some people know, I'm relatively new to the whole liking-Star-Trek scene. Well, in watching episodes late at night with TGW, I've had some more recent exposure to the show with a fresh eye for interest in the characters.
However, there is a problem.

Q.

Ch-Ch-Changes

A lot has happened so far this year, and some things have genuinely surprised me. TGW went into the hospital for an infection and will need surgery, but is doing well nonetheless. That was just a lot to deal with in the past few days.

But wait, there's more!

BAM!

There have been no secret Me's lately, mostly because I'm tired and losing faith in myself. I was a Secret T-Rex again, which is always a fun thing to do. I need more ideas. My creativity is dying along with my interest in many other things.

The holidays have been... holiday-like.

Not feelin' it.

So it's the holidays. Woo.

I'm not feeling it this year. I've been down, and we finally got a tree and all, but we're still mostly broke and can't afford gifts for everyone, so it bums me out. No cookies, no presents, husband hates holiday music... It's nothing like I feel like Christmas should be.

He finally got a job, though, which is great, but totally screwed up my two planned vacation days.

So, just heard Brittany Murphy died from cardiac arrest. WTF? It's crazy. Life is so fleeting, cheesy, I know, but what the hell? It is so hard to think of spending every day working, doing something just to get by, not ever having time to really live life. I'm 21 years old, but feel like I'm 40. I didn't have the time to do crazy teen or 20-something shit, and not because I got married. Living with my parents would have been a disaster. Living on my own was a disaster, for the short period it happened while John was in Iraq. Working sucks, and I hate it every day, but I can't see a future where I won't have to work, or even one where I can do something I enjoy - mostly because I can't figure out what I might enjoy!

Christmas depresses me. The snow and the pressure to be happy makes me feel terrible. The "Christmas Spirit" is bullshit. So few people actually care about anyone else, and half the time they'll act like they care and be lying. Do you actually care if your coworkers come to work the next day? Would it be upsetting if one of your friends just disappeared? Do you ever really consider what people mean to you?

Probably not.

We don't really care about anyone as much as we should. Not enough to be there for them, to trust them, to be genuine. Smiles are lies.

I miss Christmas when I was young. Blinded by wrapping paper and food and toys, oblivious to the hell that comes with the holiday. Ignorance was bliss.

Alone Again... Naturally

Lame title, I know.

TGW is out of town for the weekend for work. We think he may have a real job soon, which is great.

I'm exhausted. Work has been so hard lately. Let me explain:

THIS:

http://kar3ning.livejournal.com/545639.html

(Subject: Why Twlight is generally just evil, and why it is a focus for those who are against domestic violence.)

Cult of Personality

There is a lot to be said for cookies, and that is OM NOM NOM NOM.


(Today, I am a Secret Cookie Monster. I have yet to legitimately have a cookie, but I have devoured my difficulties.)

We covered Theories of Personality in Intro to Psych this past week (I'm struggling a little to keep up with the work - in Psych, yes, but more in Business Communications... oh, shibbywop that is a boring class.). My favorite section, next to Jung (who I did not know was a Nazi sympathizer, awesome.) was the personality tests.

Fixer-Upper

Sample Conversation:

Me: Rambling on about my day, blah blah. Kind of bummed out, feeling generally dissatisfied with life, would like a cookie.
Person: Have you ever tried (typical self-help thing that is supposed to improve happiness)?
Me: Yes. Did not produce happiness. Why?
Person: You always seem so saaaad.

I get that I am a miserable, whiny person. I'm sad, often, and I recognise it. I realise that doing xyz may create an opportunity to a) be happy, b ) make friends, or c) learn how to pretend to be happy. However, let me explain a few things.