Book list!

Sorry Jim. :)

Links and bulleting courtesy Wikipedia because I'm lazy.

Works by Madeline L'Engle - These are what I have now; I hope to locate more of her works, but they're ridiculously hard to come by (some of the below cost me rather a bit):

• First-generation (Murry) (Time Quartet) COMPLETED 1/28
  
  • A Wrinkle in Time (1962) (Newbery Award Winner) ISBN 0-374-38613-7
    
  • A Wind in the Door (1973) ISBN 0-374-38443-6
  • A Swiftly Tilting Planet (1978) ISBN 0-374-37362-0
  • Many Waters (1986) ISBN 0-374-34796-4

• Second-generation (O'Keefe)
  • The Arm of the Starfish (1965) ISBN 0-374-30396-7
  • Dragons in the Waters (1976) ISBN 0-374-31868-9
  • A House Like a Lotus (1984) ISBN 0-374-33385-8
  • An Acceptable Time (1989) ISBN 0-374-30027-5 In Process
    

• Meet the Austins (1960) ISBN 0-374-34929-0 Completed
  
• The Moon by Night (1963) ISBN 0-374-35049-3 Completed
• The Young Unicorns (1968) ISBN 0-374-38778-8 Completed
• A Ring of Endless Light (1980) ISBN 0-374-36299-8 (Newbery Honor Book)
• Troubling a Star (1994) ISBN 0-374-37783-9
  

Robin Hobb's works:

• Assassin's Apprentice (1995)
• Royal Assassin (1996)
• Assassin's Quest (1997)

• Ship of Magic (1998)
• The Mad Ship (1999)
• Ship of Destiny (2000)

• Fool's Errand (2002)
• Golden Fool (2003)
• Fool's Fate (2003)
• The Dragon Keeper (2009)
  

Other

• As many of the Discworld series (Terry Pratchett) as I can get my greedy grubby hands on.
• American Gods
  
• Anansi Boys
  
• The Southern Vampire Mysteries
• Atlas Shrugged. If I can. Third try!
  
• The Fountainhead. Second try. Ayn Rand's books appeal to me, but I get far too emotionally involved, hence the unfinished ones.
  
• A Scanner Darkly
  
• The Last Lecture
• Inkheart and sequels
• The Entire Enders Game Series. Watch me cry.
  
• Shutter Island
  
• The Troubling of a Star - on Amazon because it's ridiculously invisible to the rest of the world.
  
• John is making me read this.
  
• The Art of War - because who shouldn't have this on their booklist?
  
• Common Sense
  
• The Complete Sherlock Holmes collection. Oh, my gosh, the rest of my life, seriously.
  
• The Republic
  

I'm sure there will be more to add, and any I don't finish this year will be carried over to next, but I'm making good progress as it is. Some of these I still have to purchase, so that'll be a task!

Domestic Sophisticate Link & Win!

I was one of the winners for an Old Navy contest over at Domestic Sophisticate!

http://domesticatedsophisticate.blogspot.com/2010/01/old-navy-coupon-winners.html

The contest was to describe how the Supermodelquins from Old Navy should wear a boyfriend cardigan, and my winning description is below:

"Oh, boyfriend cardigans!

I think the best look for a boyfriend cardigan is to pair up with a complimentary colored lace-neck cami, and some sharp narrow-wale bootcut cords. If you wear a pair of lady loafers (it's always nice to wear bright purple or yellow ones) and carry a cute purse on one arm and a cute boy on the other, it works even better.
I'd wear it with either a small scarf tied around the neck for a late lunch, or for evening out for a casual dinner - a sparkly necklace, simple hoop earrings and a chunky bracelet, and a skinny belt - and switch up the loafers for low-heeled sandals."

I'm pretty excited!

Ch-Ch-Changes

A lot has happened so far this year, and some things have genuinely surprised me. TGW went into the hospital for an infection and will need surgery, but is doing well nonetheless. That was just a lot to deal with in the past few days.

 

But wait, there's more!

 

• I have done the equivalent of a real-life friends-list purge, but also did a digital one.
• I have sat down and reevaluated what I need to do to improve my quality of life (while maintaining what I have now), become more successful in my endeavors, and why I cling to things of the past.
• I have determined that any and all toxic relationships, no matter the supposed consequences, will be eliminated. The emotional stress is too much, and the time wasted trying to constantly keep things kosher and not offend, and lie about my feelings, is far too great. I don't like holding things back, and from here on out, I won't be.
• I have realised who my friends are - both long-lasting, deep friendships and fleeting acquaintances that serve for now but will likely drift - and where there are opportunities for real, reciprocal friendships that I can value.
• I have started to focus on balancing responsibility. Delegation, accepting responsibility, and learning from my past mistakes are all a huge part of my plans for the next year. I need to learn how to separate things into boxes of life, and to know when to say "I'm your (wo)man.".
• I have taken on two projects that will require a lot of attention and personal time. I'm excited about it, anxious about it, but intend to put my heart into them. I also have accepted a lot of new opportunities, and look forward to more, both in school and in work, and in life. I will not see responsibilities and opportunities as a burden, but as a chance to grow and learn.
• I am letting go of regrets. No more "I wish I hadn't..." or "Maybe if I'd..." or "What if..."'s. I am done with them. I am done with wishing I could fix the past. I will not dwell on past arguments, but instead take what I can from them, and move forward. I will not forget them, but I will forgive myself and anyone else involved. The past is done. It can only educate, and should not influence my feelings anymore.
• I will read. Actively. At every opportunity. I have, over the weekend, read about 4 books. This reading will not simply be RSS feeds, blogs, news, and work things. Reading will not include comics on the internet. I will read books, both to learn and to entertain. I will shut off the television and the laptop and allow the book to take me in. I will read every book on my book list (to be posted tomorrow) before summer's end.
• I will set aside time for family, TGW, and myself.
• I will not be concerned with whether my social life appears appropriate for someone in my age group. I will appreciate whatever I have, and take the chance to grow my social circle, but not focus on it. Social groups are peripheral to development. Networking is important. I will balance them, and learn who to share with and trust, and who to learn from and keep apart.
• I will learn what loss means to me and how to cope with it in preparation. I have reached the age where my world is changing, and loss does not necessarily mean death or people leaving, it can be things so simple as a loss of familiar things. I have never taken loss well - loss of innocence, loss of friends, loss of family, loss of material things. I need to learn this, and I intend to do so.

 

There is so much going on. I have been the target of quite a few emotional attacks of late (and I, admittedly, returned many of them), but I find my self... relieved. To be separated from the things that I should have departed from long ago has left me less with disappointment and more with comfort in knowing I made the right choice for me. I may lose a lot, but what loss is something that I never had? In the ending of some relationships, I learned that some deep-seated, long-hidden angers, dislike, and even hatred lurked. Some simply disapproved. Some just didn't really care. Some just didn't want to try. None of these things live up to my expectations, and my expectations are lofty, but I feel that only the loftiest goals are worth the attempt. The truest of friendships, loves, and familial relationships are those which stand the tests and show the ability to be honest and equal. Those are what I am looking for, and all I will accept.

 

The world - my world - is changing, and nothing is the same, but change is good. Oh, it's like the taste of cool water on a hot day.

 

I can't wait!

 

 

Listen to the bad music

I resisted the urge to post within the past week because I didn't want to post about drama - and I knew I would, being hurt and angry, but now I'm just relieved, and done with it. I realise it doesn't even matter, because I bet my husband (hereafter referred to as "Wes" or "Wesley" or "The Great Wesley" - a nickname I can remember and use reliably, at least) is the only one who reads this blog, but oh well.

Work has been busy, which is a relief. I hate it when there's nothing to do. School starts up soon, which gives me something to focus on. I am getting back to reading more often, which is cool. I have no real interests (at least none I can do anything about), though, other than video games and geeky stuff, so it makes it hard to keep busy. I won't be gaming anymore, really, except with The Great Wesley. I started playing L4D with some friends, and Dragon Age is still a huge draw on my time, so that's cool, but I feel like I need something more - something just for me. I tried work friends, but that never pans out. Regular friends don't really, either, so whatevs, I can deal with just being myself.

The Secret Me has been going okay - I've been a cougar (the animal... well, most of the day), a cloud, and a few other things lately. I'm going to be a sabre tooth on Monday, I think, and stick with the prehistoric thing for the rest of the week - mastadon, Ankylosaurus Magniventris, triceratops, nothosaur. Maybe build up some defenses.

Why do I feel like I need a vacation now more than before?

The weather has done a number on Pittsburgh. People drive like idiots as soon as snow hits the ground, and it's ridiculous - the last few days, I didn't break 40mph on my way home. This weather? I could do without.

TGW has been reading me Memories of the Future, and it's awesome. It makes me laugh, and that makes the day better every day.



 

Why is it always

well everyone else wants to

and consensus is

or but we are busy

and so sorry, can't do it

 

So tired, so tired of being

second string to all the other players

Not included but not excluded because

that would be rude

but why the hell am I

last

in

line?

 

It's like waiting in line to get tickets

and when you get there

it's SOLD OUT

because the artist decided to go

to Scranton instead of

Pittsburgh and

fuck 'burghers! They

don't have a basement...

 

 

 

BAM!

There have been no secret Me's lately, mostly because I'm tired and losing faith in myself. I was a Secret T-Rex again, which is always a fun thing to do. I need more ideas. My creativity is dying along with my interest in many other things.

 

The holidays have been... holiday-like. The spirit and sparkle of the Christmas Season is completely lost to me anymore. I feel the stress, I feel the pressure, but I don't feel the joy. I did have some joy in buying presents for my family, but that was about it. Even seeing my family on holidays has lost the magic. I enjoy seeing them more outside of holidays, for some reason - perhaps it is the lack of silent agitation?

 

I'm trying desperately to hold myself together in so many ways right now. I'm going to school again this semester, thanks to Work, taking Intro to Chemistry and something called "Office Productivity Applications". I wanted to take Intro to Geology, but I'd have to drive into the city at unreasonable hours, so that's not to be had. Husband-man says I can take it in the future, when it's available near home, on our personal dollar. That would be nice.

 

I'm making duck with pomegranate orange glaze on New Years Day, at least, this is the plan. I hope it doesn't get ruined.

 

Work makes me feel so listless. I feel unrested and unfulfilled constantly. I got a few days off with vacation hours, and even though I spent the entire first day cleaning, all I could think was I wish this would never end. I just want to be at home. I promised Husband-man (need a better nickname) that I have not suddenly felt the cry of my ovaries and decided I want children, because it's the truth. I have no desire for children. However, I have an intense desire to be at home. I want to be able to cook dinner when I want to. I want to keep the house clean and comfortable. I want to spend time with my pets. I wouldn't mind working at home, particularly if it was something I enjoyed. I just hate being surrounded by so many people, all day long, with expectations looming over my head. I'd like to go to school to study something without having to squeeze it in between obligations, and actually learn something I care about.

 

Much of me wants to do something creative, but when I'm most creative, I feel too exhausted or don't have the time to spend that creativity, and when I have time, I feel exhausted or don't have the creativity. Feeling tired is getting frustrating, and I have nightmares so often. I don't even know what creative things I can do anymore.

 

I'm now on a "diet" of sorts. My doctor gave me some restrictions, and I'm doing okay with it. When I'm home it's much easier to follow it, because I can cook on my own and see what I want to put into it. I can experiment a little, so it isn't so boring. In the end, though, the biggest thing is that I'm so hungry all of the time. Last time I was on the medicine I'm currently on, my appetite leaped. I lost weight, but that was before my hormones got wacky from birth control. I don't know if it will work out this time, but I'm still starving. I'm not sure if it's the diet, cutting my sugar down at the doctor's recommendation, or the medicine, or all three. It's terrible.

The worst part is that normally, I know I'm not legitimately hungry, or I don't really want food, but my stomach still rages. It's like I never ate at all, just fifteen or so minutes after I eat. It's upsetting. I try to combat it with drinking water or tea or coffee, but that doesn't always help. Sometimes a gummy candy solves the problem, which is good but also not good.

 

Ah, I'm rambling.

 

Our Memories of the Future book still hasn't arrived, which is frustrating, because I cannot wait to read it. Our mugs did, though, and we had some tea in them the other night while watching the new Star Trek movie, which Husband-man got on BluRay from my parents.

 

I spent some time looking for corduroy pants of the wide-legged variety, vintage ones, but unfortunately, everyone during the era they were popular wore like a size 4. Damn you, skinny disco dancers! I then stumbled upon these brilliant red corduroy big-heeled oxford-like shoes, I think they're brogues, and they were a size 6.5, which is devastating. I would love a pair of shoes like those. They were gorgeous.

 

I successfully layered shirts today, which I'm pleased about, because it's been difficult with my changing fatness. I feel comfy and warm in what I have on, so that's good. Yesterday I froze, and this morning I was like "no! I will be warms!" and tried a few things before I got it right, but I managed.

 

I'm going to try to post more often. I'm bad at it... but I'll try.

Supreme Court Guts Due Process Protection

Supreme Court Guts Due Process Protection: "

Reader Walter passed along this distressing sighting from Chris Floyd’s blog. American civil liberties were gutted last week, and the media failed to take note of it.

The development? If the president or one of his subordinates declares someone to be an “enemy combatant” (the 21st century version of “enemy of the state”) he is denied any protection of the law. So any trouble-maker (which means anyone) can be whisked away, incarcerated, tortured, “disappeared,” you name it. Floyd’s commentary:

After hearing passionate arguments from the Obama Administration, the Supreme Court acquiesced to the president’s fervent request and, in a one-line ruling, let stand a lower court decision that declared torture an ordinary, expected consequence of military detention, while introducing a shocking new precedent for all future courts to follow: anyone who is arbitrarily declared a “suspected enemy combatant” by the president or his designated minions is no longer a “person.” They will simply cease to exist as a legal entity. They will have no inherent rights, no human rights, no legal standing whatsoever — save whatever modicum of process the government arbitrarily deigns to grant them from time to time, with its ever-shifting tribunals and show trials.

It is hard to overstate the significance of this horrid decision. The fact that the Supreme Court authorized this land grab says we no longer have an independent judiciary, that the Supreme Court itself is gutting the protections supposedly provided by the legal system. Per Floyd:

In fact, our most august defenders of the Constitution did not have to exert themselves in the slightest to eviscerate not merely 220 years of Constitutional jurisprudence but also centuries of agonizing effort to lift civilization a few inches out of the blood-soaked mire that is our common human legacy. They just had to write a single sentence.

Now Floyd saw this mainly as an issue of the treatment of enemy combatants and Obama hypocrisy about torture, which is bad enough:

The Constitution is clear: no person can be held without due process; no person can be subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. And the U.S. law on torture of any kind is crystal clear: it is forbidden, categorically, even in time of “national emergency.” And the instigation of torture is, under U.S. law, a capital crime. No person can be tortured, at any time, for any reason, and there are no immunities whatsoever for torture offered anywhere in the law.

And yet this is what Barack Obama — who, we are told incessantly, is a super-brilliant Constitutional lawyer — has been arguing in case after case since becoming president: Torturers are immune from prosecution; those who ordered torture are immune from prosecution….let’s be absolutely clear: Barack Obama has taken the freely chosen, public, formal stand — in court — that there is nothing wrong with any of these activities.

Yves here. The implications are FAR worse. Anyone can be stripped, with NO RECOURSE, of all their legal rights on a Presidential say so. Readers in the US no longer have any security under the law.

Roman citizens enjoyed a right to a trial, a right of appeal, and could not be tortured, whipped, or executed except if found guilty of treason, and anyone charged with treason could demand a trial in Rome. We have regressed more than 2000 years with this appalling ruling.

"

Not feelin' it.

So it's the holidays. Woo.

I'm not feeling it this year. I've been down, and we finally got a tree and all, but we're still mostly broke and can't afford gifts for everyone, so it bums me out. No cookies, no presents, husband hates holiday music... It's nothing like I feel like Christmas should be.

He finally got a job, though, which is great, but totally screwed up my two planned vacation days.

So, just heard Brittany Murphy died from cardiac arrest. WTF? It's crazy. Life is so fleeting, cheesy, I know, but what the hell? It is so hard to think of spending every day working, doing something just to get by, not ever having time to really live life. I'm 21 years old, but feel like I'm 40. I didn't have the time to do crazy teen or 20-something shit, and not because I got married. Living with my parents would have been a disaster. Living on my own was a disaster, for the short period it happened while John was in Iraq. Working sucks, and I hate it every day, but I can't see a future where I won't have to work, or even one where I can do something I enjoy - mostly because I can't figure out what I might enjoy!

Christmas depresses me. The snow and the pressure to be happy makes me feel terrible. The "Christmas Spirit" is bullshit. So few people actually care about anyone else, and half the time they'll act like they care and be lying. Do you actually care if your coworkers come to work the next day? Would it be upsetting if one of your friends just disappeared? Do you ever really consider what people mean to you?

Probably not.

We don't really care about anyone as much as we should. Not enough to be there for them, to trust them, to be genuine. Smiles are lies.

I miss Christmas when I was young. Blinded by wrapping paper and food and toys, oblivious to the hell that comes with the holiday. Ignorance was bliss.