13 August, 2010

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” ~ George MacDonald, poet, author, minister

There has been, to be blunt, a shitload of talk about trust in my circle of ... whatever you call 'ems. In Facebook I call them "People That I Know". Here, I'll just call 'em dinosaurs.

First, I'm just going to say, how the crap did I never know who George MacDonald was? I've heard this quote so many times and never knew who said it. He sounds like a very insightful, inspiring man. I'll have to look into his work.

So, a lot of the dinosaurs have been chatting about all varieties of trust lately, and it's not even a new occurrence, it's just that I only now noticed how often the topic comes up. Trust between friends. Lovers. Neighbors. Authority and subordinates. It's incredibly interesting.

Trust is a valuable thing.

It's not an all or nothing thing, though. You can trust someone enough to talk about some stuff, to tell them things that you feel and think. You don't have to tell them your whole damn life story, or how sometimes you think about naked ladies having swordfights. What? I'm sure it's a fetish... of someone's. RULE 34.


Sometimes I think people are too unwilling to trust. They've been burned in the past. The problem is, if you never trust anyone, it leaves you even more open to being burnt. You don't believe me? 
Everyone has to have someone to confide in or feel comfortable with or feel free with. That's trust. And if you don't have that, and hold back from having it, for too long it will come back to bite you. Either people will think you're cold and uncaring and pull away, or you'll finally give in and trust someone, and it could be the wrong person to trust. 

Been there, did that. I changed my way of thinking.

There's a way to trust just enough. Obviously, there will be people in your life you can trust fully and without reservation, but I doubt there are many that you'd want to. You can trust some people enough to feel free to share your opinions with them (even the weird ones). You can trust someone enough to let them come into your house and take care of your pets while you're on vacation, but you might not want to let them know that you seriously love unicorns. Because that's creepy. S'all I'm sayin'. 

I try to trust people just enough. I think maybe, I fully trust a couple of people. I might trust people more than other people would. However, what it does - trusting people - is let me have them trust me, too. They see that I trust them, and I'll be honest and open, with few reservations, and it makes them think, "hey, maybe I can trust her too". That's awesome. 

And yeah, it could be violated. They could use my (often already exposed on the internet or to anyone it would be important to) secrets to embarrass or ridicule me. Whatevs. It'll hurt for a while. It might make it harder to build up new relationships. But the thing is, all they've done is lose something valuable.


When someone breaks your trust, stop thinking of it as losing someone to trust. Start thinking of it as their losing you. If you are a strong person (and a lot of people are), you can go on and find someone else to share your trust with. It might even be better! 
It reveals something when someone betrays your trust. Even if you're fighting with someone, the moment they take that fight and show other people (excluding significant others, because seriously, they're literally half of your whole as a human) evidence to tarnish your name, they aren't worth it anymore. Fuck 'em. They don't deserve to be a part of your world anymore, and they're really the only one losing anything - when they betray your trust, it should show you that they're something that you never had anyway. 

It sounds fatalistic, maybe, or bitter, but I'm not bitter about the friendships I've "lost" anymore. The people on the other side of the equations might be, but honestly, I don't think I really care. It takes a lot for me to end friendships completely. Repeated violations of moral principles. Betrayal. Lies. Those are big things. But, if someone does those things - especially all of them together - they're it. They're over. 

But if they don't... they get what I am able to give. My trust. My friendship. My give-a-shit. If they need something and I can give it, I will. If they are hurt and I can help, I'm there. 

I know a lot of people have been hurt, and it's hard to get over it - and sometimes, when I'm in the dumps, it gets me too. But I keep moving forward. Leave that bullshit behind. They should be nothing anymore, and truly, those people are gone from me, and they had better be willing to actually apologise - and change - if they want to get me back. 

But they won't, and I know it.

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