We were talking about him deploying the other day and we realized that a large part of the reason that we're both worried about it is because we're so close and spend enough time together that we're practically the same person. We were a lot alike even before we got married, and now we're like, identical. We have very few interests that we don't share. We like most of the same music, movies, food, activities, we agree on philosophy almost all of the time, we're in the same political spectrum, it's ridiculous. Our handwriting is similar. We use the same modes of speech. It's kind of creepy. We can literally finish each other's sentences, but don't most of the time because we know that it bugs the other. We say things at the same time a lot. We have the same ideas. If I think of something that I want to see drawn, he can draw it exactly as I'm thinking it, even if I don't fully describe it.
It would be like having half of myself be gone. Even when he left the first time (he started going back and forth to training within the first month after we got married in '06), it was very hard, because we spent so much time together before he left. Even when he was in Basic, I wrote every single day that I could (which was basically every day). I wrote to him like I would write in a journal. I tell him, and told him, everything.
He knows EVERYTHING about me. I wouldn't ever say I know everything about him - TGW is a very private person and he's very complex (I don't think I'm too complex). I would say I probably know more about him than anyone else does. When he is away, I lose the opportunity to know what he is doing and what he is dealing with, sometimes because he's not allowed to tell me. That sucks. It's rough.
We survived the last deployment (we did pretty well for newlyweds, I think), and I am definitely more emotionally prepared this time - it's never possible to be totally ready, though - and I'm now dealing with things in much healthier ways. But he's still a huge part of me.
I know we will make it through it. There is nothing that would stop us from it, and the weird thing is, part of me wants him to go. It's a lot of good stuff - the money, the experience, the things he gets to do, the educational benefits - even though he'd be away. And hell, I'll miss him. Constantly. There is not a moment of the day when we are apart, even now, that I don't want to be with him. We've even talked about him reenlisting. It's a tough decision because there are positives and negatives. I want him to, even though I don't want him to. How frustrating!
I guess I'm just trying to think it through. Be as ready as I can. But man... it's a long time without myself.