14 July, 2010

It's like I'm developing or something

My presentation went well. Very, in fact. Teacher said it was one of the best he's had since he started the class, and that he was glad we tied it into our class assignments and planned so well, that he couldn't tell we were nervous and that all of the rest of the class should try to follow our example and do as well as us. Setting the bar, baby, setting the bar. Also, it was on Google & Eric Schmidt. 

I offered to help other students with PowerPoint, as I am good with the program.
Considering how scared I was and how predictably terrible I am with presentations, this as a huge and very pleasant surprise.


I keep on wanting to write something profound. I'm not even good at writing memorable stuff, and my poetry tends to lean towards more "weird and awkward" than "exploding with juicy talent spooge". Yeah, I just compared poetry to semen. What're you gonna do about it?

Aaand that's why I'm not profound. But, you know what? Whatever. Profoundity is overrated.

Colleen (you can find her bouncing around at Scrap and Run) is awkward and amazing. She's great at spreadsheets. She's intelligent and obsessive compulsive and athletic. She likes shopping and getting dressed up and is afraid of cats (even though she now has an adorable kitten). She scrapbooks and made me an awesome card just to thank me for being her friend. I gave her a crappy notecard to thank her for a gift from Alcatraz (where she remembered I had wanted to go, but couldn't). She got me to exercise again. She talks "too much". She isn't always great at talking to people and sometimes gets overly distracted with her numbers, but she's an incredible friend. We talk a lot.

TGW (not-so-often posting at Thrice-A-Week) is my husband. I expect more of him than anyone ever. I harass him constantly about art-ing more. I think he gets annoyed. He gets frustrated with my big dog, and I get mad over his annoying cat. He teaches me a lot about science and maths and philosophy. I think I've shown him more about dealing with people, learning when to end things and when to keep trying, and a little bit about family. In my vows, I promised that I would challenge him. I think I do that. I think he challenges me, too. I've spent time with him and without him, and I find value in both of them. He can draw like nobody's business, but he can't always prioritize (neither can I). He is great at folding clothes, even though sometimes he just puts them in a basket. He is my best friend. We talk every day - even if we're thousands of miles apart, and even if the other doesn't see what we say until the next day. 

My sister is one of my best friends. Sometimes she drives me absolutely batty with her habits, her beliefs and her way of constantly finding the chink in my armor when we argue. She has been here forever for me. When we were younger, sometimes I just hated her. I think you really have to care about someone to hate them, and once you get so angry at them that you don't care about them anymore, you stop hating them and they just become a nothing to you. That would never happen with my sister, because I always care about her. She's good at a lot of stuff - scrapbooking, dealing with kids, cleaning and being organized, being "mom" to all of us in some way, and just getting stuff done. She likes horses and dogs and is great at taking care of them. She keeps my mom from going crazy. We don't talk often enough.

Old friends (?), new friends, chosen family and family by blood. What a bundle. I think that all of these people, and all of the rest of the people I know, have seen good and bad of me. I think I've seen the same of them. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think the important thing to me here is that they all have depth. They have good and bad (often more good than bad). They are important to me in some way. Even when I hate them, I care about them. Some of them, I don't talk to. Some of them get sick of me talking to them too much. 

I expect a lot of people, including myself. I am more often disappointed in myself than the people I care about, but when those people disappoint me, it's so much worse. I expect to be able to rely on them to be good people. I want to be able to see that person and not think "Wow, what happened to them? Did they give up?" but instead think "Man, they just keep getting better!" Some days I see that. Some days, I'm not so sure. Respect needs to be maintained. 

I wonder often if I fail them, and then realize that I most likely do. Often. I fail myself just as much or more. I don't know how to fix it other than to keep improving, but I think sometimes, it's who I am at the core that makes them disappointed in me. It's not that I can't change it, but that I won't. I want friends who like me for who I am. Some of them, honestly, don't know all of me, especially the parts of me I keep private - some from friends, some from family, some from "people I know". I would like, though, if they'd love me for being the person that I am, when I am with them.

Friendships are weird. 

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