BAM!

There have been no secret Me's lately, mostly because I'm tired and losing faith in myself. I was a Secret T-Rex again, which is always a fun thing to do. I need more ideas. My creativity is dying along with my interest in many other things.

The holidays have been... holiday-like.

Not feelin' it.

So it's the holidays. Woo.

I'm not feeling it this year. I've been down, and we finally got a tree and all, but we're still mostly broke and can't afford gifts for everyone, so it bums me out. No cookies, no presents, husband hates holiday music... It's nothing like I feel like Christmas should be.

He finally got a job, though, which is great, but totally screwed up my two planned vacation days.

So, just heard Brittany Murphy died from cardiac arrest. WTF? It's crazy. Life is so fleeting, cheesy, I know, but what the hell? It is so hard to think of spending every day working, doing something just to get by, not ever having time to really live life. I'm 21 years old, but feel like I'm 40. I didn't have the time to do crazy teen or 20-something shit, and not because I got married. Living with my parents would have been a disaster. Living on my own was a disaster, for the short period it happened while John was in Iraq. Working sucks, and I hate it every day, but I can't see a future where I won't have to work, or even one where I can do something I enjoy - mostly because I can't figure out what I might enjoy!

Christmas depresses me. The snow and the pressure to be happy makes me feel terrible. The "Christmas Spirit" is bullshit. So few people actually care about anyone else, and half the time they'll act like they care and be lying. Do you actually care if your coworkers come to work the next day? Would it be upsetting if one of your friends just disappeared? Do you ever really consider what people mean to you?

Probably not.

We don't really care about anyone as much as we should. Not enough to be there for them, to trust them, to be genuine. Smiles are lies.

I miss Christmas when I was young. Blinded by wrapping paper and food and toys, oblivious to the hell that comes with the holiday. Ignorance was bliss.

Alone Again... Naturally

Lame title, I know.

TGW is out of town for the weekend for work. We think he may have a real job soon, which is great.

I'm exhausted. Work has been so hard lately. Let me explain:

OMG I am a five year old right now:

wilw

@briecs Just read your blog. You're welcome, and thank you so much for sharing your story with me. My best to you and your fella :)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

After the day I had? This is AWESOME. Okay, on any day this would be awesome!

Rekindling the Everlasting Flame: An Open Letter to Wil Wheaton, Thanks for the Memories of the Futurecast

When my husband and I first met, I was about as far from a fan of Star Trek as you could possibly imagine. I enjoyed sci fi movies and shows, but rarely watched them unless my father put them on the television. I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and we generally stuck to Star Wars and Dune when it came to getting our geek on.

At first, he basically forced me to watch it - I was bored and uninterested (although I will admit, the original series and movies still are a bit of a struggle to get through for me). The Next Generation was different, though. It was interesting, and I became a serious Data and Picard fangirl. I would watch what they were in and when they were on, and that was the extent. A lot of the time I hated the other characters - Troi, Riker, and Wesley were my mental punching bags, but I had a soft spot for Worf and Geordie. The characters I disliked were basically just a target of adolescence - I was only sixteen or so. I read the hilarious fanfiction, watched the first season and movies, but fell away from it as soon as he stopped making me watch it.

I recently started watching The Guild, and I enjoyed it immensely, and between the show and Twitter, I was led over to Wil Wheaton's blog and tweets. I read some posts, but like everything before, drifted off and forgot it. I saw the new Star Trek movie, and it was amazing, but I still felt kind of neutral towards the original shows and TNG... until my husband loaded up the Memories of the Futurecast.

It was an entirely new way to experience Star Trek. It made fun of the silly things in a loving way, but brought light to things I had missed when watching the show - nuances of the writing, plot pieces I hadn't even recognized. After hearing the podcasts, my husband and I stayed up late to catch reruns on television of the first season - and suddenly, Star Trek wasn't something dorky that used to be boring and no fun before the new film, it was something I enjoyed. The "Data & Picard show" was suddenly filled with a full cast of interesting characters, ones that I wanted to see a beginning, middle, and end of stories.

I have listened to every podcast of Memories of the Futurecast released thus far, and it's built a new connection between my husband and I - something we can share and enjoy together - and it's also allowed me something I never thought I would have. I'm okay with being a geek. I'm even happy about it! If the people who love these things, and people like Wil Wheaton and Fecilia Day are the people who I am in good company with by loving Star Trek and D&D and video games, then that is where I want to be.

Thank you, Wil Wheaton, and all of the other geeks who have opened up and taught me by example how awesome being a geek can be. FTW!