02 May, 2012

Wading through tar

I haven't posted in a long while for so many reasons. First, I am super busy with work, school, and nearly everything else. My family has been flailing with health problems (mine, my fathers, my grandfathers, and my mom had a heart attack yesterday), my husband is incredibly busy, and things haven't seemed to slow down at all.

There is always something going on. This isn't always a bad thing, but it can be overwhelming. I have been feeling lately like I take no time just for me - even when I do get a break, I spend a lot of time internetting (thanks, Tumblr). It's not that I don't enjoy that, or the small amount of video game time I get, but I don't have mental downtime. I try to watch TV shows or movies, but I feel understimulated. I think about reading, but only get a few pages in before I have something else to do, or decide I don't like the book enough to read more, or it takes weeks to get through a chapter. I often find myself not wanting to go socialize, hoping that I will eventually get relaxed enough and be "done" with enough of my other priorities that I'll have nothing to do, but then I feel guilty and end up doing whatever the socializing was in the first place.

When I get a break from everything else, I always think about the housework that needs done, but I am either a) too physically/mentally exhausted, b) in pain, or c) just don't want to. I try to be there for friends and keep building relationships, but some days I just don't even care enough. 

I am writing, but it's dragging on so slowly. I feel like I'm wading through tar, but at the same time like everything is moving so quickly around me that I can't hold onto it. 

Does anyone else get that feeling? It's not just with the writing. It's with everything. Everything is rushing, rushing, and I'm just dragging myself through, hoping that I can climb out.