03 May, 2013

Personal Stuff, carry on.

I have spent a long time trying to find myself.

I still haven't succeeded. 

I think I'm going to stop trying, and try to just go with it. 

I don't know why I have tried for so long. I think some of it may be the expectations of youth. I'm 25, after all, I'm supposed to be "searching" and living some sort of life that I guess isn't mine. 

I got a lot of shit for getting married early, because obviously, it wouldn't last, but honestly we've been together almost 10 years and married for 7. And we're happy. To say we're failing at being married is utter nonsense. I wasn't ignorant of my choices at 18, and just because I made a good choice doesn't mean everyone else will, even if they wait until they're older to get married.

That was a part of me I knew. I knew, I want to be married to TGW. 

I know that I like to geek out and have fun, but that's not really who I am or what I want to do with my life. While I'd like to involve geeky stuff in my career and life, I can't say it's the only thing, because I frankly don't know.

I don't want to keep searching for an identity I may never find. I see way too many people older than me, some by decades, who never found themselves in that special way society promises us we will.  I don't want to be desperate for an identity, so desperate that I latch on to whatever is offered. That's not me - I know that for sure.

I am still successful in doing what I'm good with for the time being, but I don't know who I am, and that's okay.

1 comment:

  1. I don't really get the finding myself stuff because people are what they are and maybe that changes over time but I just don't really get it so glad you are going to stop trying.