Lucky

I am very lucky to have a husband like I do.

On Friday, TGW was cool with me going to a party without him with a bunch of people he'd never met, and crashing at a friends' place. It was partially because he's not big on parties or bars, but he could have just said that he didn't want me to go, either. He also dropped me off & picked me up, allowing me to have a safe time without having to worry about driving or relying on anyone else to get me out there and home. That was awesome. From what I know of, there aren't a ton of people who have spouses who are trusting and chill enough to do that.

I admit, I do feel a little like a part of me doesn't fit in with people who go to parties or have parties like the one I was at, but it was more of a social experiment than anything, so I was glad to have the chance to go. I missed out on a lot of college partying, so I wasn't sure what it would be like. It gave me a better idea if I'd go to a party like that again (verdict so far: probably not for as long of a time as I spent at this one, but I'd go for a little bit, I think).

I have been reflecting a lot lately on our relationship (since a test psych-eval with a friend of ours in which I answered a question about how my marriage is with a response close to "Good with minor conflict."). I think it's pretty great. We've been married for over 5 years and I honestly feel I can trust TGW 100%, without any concern that he's going to be dishonest. I wonder often if other people who got married as early as I did have the same kind of relationship.

Do we have conflict? Yes. Mostly money stuff, just like 90% of the marriages I've seen. Some of it is the issue of communication of our feelings and stuff, which we've been through trainings on through Strong Bonds, but it still falls through. I don't think any couple is perfect at communication. I'm bad at explaining things and I get frustrated when I don't feel like I'm getting what I want, and TGW is often more closed and doesn't always tell me when things are wrong. I don't think that's a world-ending thing.

I am super lucky. Even though we're both working & going to school right now (which is HELLISH stressful), he has been tolerant of my need for more social interaction, my busy schedule that often conflicts with his, and lately, my crappy health (physically and mentally). We've had blow-outs. I am normally the first to be angry and more likely to raise my voice, but when he does finally come out with it, it's a pretty big thing. But we get through it, every time.

I hope he feels as lucky as I do. I hope that this super-stressful time for us, with so much of a busy schedule and so little sleep, ends up being worth it in the end. I am lucky to have him around to explain difficult things to me. I am lucky that he loves me & calls me beautiful, even after five years of weight gain, medication rotations, disabilities, unemployment, long distances, and some really crazy external relationship issues.

I know there is always a chance it will change. I don't think it would ever go the bad way some relationships I have seen went (there were tons of divorces in family & family friends while I was growing up, and I've seen more since I turned 18), but relationships evolve. Regardless, I think it's awesome to be where we are now.