Nostalgia, Harry Potter, and an Unachievable Dream

First, I did get to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1... three times already. It was excellent, and I'd gladly go see it again. I really enjoyed it and find something new every time.

Second, a little thing.

Today was the first day of deer hunting season in Pennsylvania. When I was younger, this meant a few things. One, dad, pap, and my brother - for a while even my mom - would go out hunting bright and early in the cold. We would stay at home, in the warm house with the stove and oven on, baking cookies sometimes, but always, always making hard tack with my Grandma. Hard tack, to us, is not what it is to other people - not hard biscuits that last forever, but instead a delicious, strong flavored hard sugar candy. We used to make it every single year, and it would leave the house smelling so strongly of the extracts we used - spearmint, butterscotch, cinnamon. I loved the spearmint the most. It would taste so strong, so much like Christmas, like winter.
We don't do this anymore.
I miss it. Baking cookies with my whole family - cocoa cookie sticks, ginger snaps, thumbprint cookies, gingerbread men - those times and this day, in my memories, stick out as something sweet and irreplaceable. Spending time with my grandparents and siblings and parents - even before we had foster kids (admittedly, some of the sweetest memories were from then, when I was incredibly young and I can only barely remember).
The days after the first day of deer season were often filled with cleaning whatever deer my dad or mom happened to get, laying it out on the table and cutting it up, making the meat as lean as we could, and grinding some of the remainders for burger. I still love eating venison, and I get it so rarely I've almost forgotten the taste (neck roast is my favorite).
I don't think I'll ever get to experience those type of things again. My memories will have to suffice. I just hope I can always hold onto the happy thoughts, the smells and sensations, and the warm piece of my soul that fills with just a little pain when I remember.

Last, I've been thinking so much about the future. I've switched my major to general studies and should be finished after one summer semester upcoming, and will have an Associates of Sciences. I cannot wait to be done with school! The thing is, I can't figure out if I want to go back. I wish that going to school wasn't such a requirement to be successful these days, because I've grown to hate everything about it. Learning has become a chore, something required, not something I love. I didn't think that would ever happen, except with math.
I also am beginning to feel the drag of a future as an admin. I'll probably be an admin for a pretty long time - I'm not deluded enough to think that I can make Pure Romance be a forever career, at least not while I have the responsibility of my regular job, which is something I'll have for the foreseeable future. I would like to do something I feel inspired by. I believe in the industry I work in, but I don't know if working in corporate and working in a business-based job is going to leave me able to feel happy after a while. I know it's already taking its toll.
Even then, I don't know if I want to do Pure Romance forever. I don't know if I want to do anything forever. I do know, however, that I'm very tired already, and every winter, I think more about how much I wish I could stay forever with my family and the summer and spring and fall in Pennsylvania, but take them with me to somewhere that doesn't get covered in snow and somewhere that doesn't leave me in pain and weary with waking every morning.

Is it wrong to want to wake up and want to get out of bed, and to have the strength to do so without feeling like I am carrying a lead shroud around my body? Is it wrong to want to have a job that I will enjoy the majority of the time, instead of sometimes? How do people live out their lives feeling this way?

I just feel world-weary and it's stupid for me to feel that way, with so little experience and wisdom under my belt.