15 April, 2010

My God, My Google


Have you ever had the startling realisation that with nearly every exclamation you have you're offending at least half the room? About six months ago, I realised that.

Now, I'm no stranger to offending people - in fact, even when I'm not intending it (hell, more often when I'm not intending it), I offend people to the point that some just randomly start hating me and never come around anymore but never explain why until eventually I just give up and offend them on purpose because I don't understand why I should make an effort if they're just going to be pissy anyways.


I am one of those people who still, even after being brought up with hissing admonitions after I would say things like "Dear lord!" and "Oh my god!" or "Goddamn!" (okay, I never said THAT in front of my parents), keeps saying it. I can't help it. I don't know why. But man, do I ever get glares from people for that.

It's also frustrating as a not-really-new-Agnostic. Yeah, I believe in something, but it's kind of undefined. I don't know if "God" is the right term, especially since "God" has such a common connotation with Christianity, and saying "Oh my energy-based-higher-power-of-indeterminate-origin" takes a fucking long time to say when you've hit your toe on a REALLY sharp corner in the middle of the night, because you forgot to leave the lamp on and the ceiling light hurts your eyes.

Lately I've been trying something new. As someone who commonly used (and still uses) terms like "fudgemonkey", "doodles", "oh my doogle", and other hilariously terrible nonsense words to replace swear words, I tried to think of something I could easily put in place of God in these interjections.


It's a common word, these days, and it's not likely to offend anyone unless they're really concerned about the state of my soul. Plus, sometimes it's SO appropriate, such as "Holy Google, did you see the blog post on the Buzz privacy issues?" or "Thank GOOGLE I found that SOHO link for my Astronomy class with the AWESOME coronal mass ejection images!"

Admittedly, I have not yet mastered googledamn.

It might seem blasphemous. But, you know what? I don't really give a damn about that. My religious/spiritual status is enough to send any person who would be offended by "oh my Google" into a tizzy anyway.

(oh my google I think someone's phone just went off playing the national anthem)

Do you have any funny swears?

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